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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27966779">The Care and Keeping of Reptiles</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vermin_Disciple/pseuds/Vermin_Disciple'>Vermin_Disciple</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Aqua Love Notes Waterproof Notepad [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Banter, Gen, Humor, Medical Examination, They can be read independently and in any order, Works in this series are standalones united by the medium of shower notepad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:07:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27966779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vermin_Disciple/pseuds/Vermin_Disciple</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You’re not a snake, Garak."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Julian Bashir &amp; Elim Garak, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Aqua Love Notes Waterproof Notepad [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2145618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Care and Keeping of Reptiles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Following our <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27831478">previous adventures with the waterproof notepad hanging on the shower wall</a>, I invited my mother to write me a prompt on said notepad. </p><p>Her prompt: <em><a href="https://vermin-disciple.tumblr.com/post/636975453481189376/fic-the-care-and-keeping-of-reptiles">Personal and professional issues with Cardassian anatomy and physiology… Bashir: “Garak, I’m a doctor… not a herpetologist!”</a></em></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Garak, I’m a doctor, not a herpetologist.” </p><p>“Why, Doctor,” said Garak, eyes wide, “I’m shocked to hear <em>you</em> espouse such an attitude. I thought Starfleet doctors prided themselves on their ability to treat any variety of humanoid they encounter.” </p><p>With any other patient, he wouldn’t. But in this case, Julian was quite certain that Garak was here, not for medical treatment, but to tread on his last nerve. </p><p>“You’re not a snake, Garak. Cardassians don’t shed their skin.” </p><p>“How would you know?” countered Garak. “Since when are you an expert in Cardassian physiology?” </p><p>“Since Chief O’Brien resurrected the Cardassian medical database on the infirmary computer.” </p><p>“Ah! That explains your ignorance! That’s a <em>military</em> medical database. Shedding makes us <em>terribly</em> vulnerable, you see, so members of the military are required to take regular hormone shots to block the process. It does have some long-term deleterious effects on their intelligence, but that’s never been a priority of the Central Command or Dukat would never have managed so many promotions.” </p><p>“Garak, past experience suggests that if you were feeling at all vulnerable, you wouldn’t be in here, you’d be avoiding me.” </p><p>“I, avoiding you? What an unfounded accusation for <em>you </em>to make. Especially under the circumstances.” </p><p>“What circumst—” Julian paused. “Garak, is this because I canceled on you last week?” </p><p>“<em>And</em> the week before,” said Garak, rather sulkily. </p><p>“I <em>told</em> you—” </p><p>“Oh, I <em>quite</em> understand.” </p><p>They glared at each other for a moment, before Julian conceded to the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. </p><p>“You could just <em>ask</em> me to reschedule, you know, instead of coming in with— do I even want to know how you acquired this plasma burn? Is this something <em>Odo</em> should know about?” </p><p>“Seam rippers are tricky instruments,” said Garak airily. “I believe your shift is nearly over, Doctor. Would you care to join me for lunch?” </p>
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